How to support a cause with Tact and Grace

I hope you're all having a wonderful start to your week. For today's Manners Monday post, we're talking about a topic that I haven't touched on before: how to graciously go about supporting a cause with tact and grace. Oftentimes, we become so fired up about our favorite cause that it can be easy to go overboard and bombard someone with all of that passion! Just because we've adopted a newly energizing vegan diet or have taken a stance against disposable diapering or wearing fur, it doesn't mean that everyone around us shares our same viewpoint. I do believe that at the end of the day most people are just doing the best that they can in life to make the best decisions they know how to make with the resources afforded to them. Can we all do better? Of course we can. Education leads to change. We can all benefit from new information, facts and an open mind when it comes to worldly topics that affect us all in the greater scheme of things. What I see on social media when it comes to religion, politics, the debate of pro or anti-vaccination, genetically modified foods vs. organic (the list could go on here!), is that when one is behind the anonymity of their laptop or they are not required to be physically face-to-face with another person, words are typed, feelings get hurt and more often than not belittling takes place, brash words are spoken and a lot of people get heated up, alienating others along the way.

We all have our own opinions, values, convictions and causes which may sometimes differ greatly from others. However, it's important to remember that tearing another down because of a choice they've made which doesn't fall in line with our own lifestyle is just not becoming of  a lady.

As someone who holds many causes near and dear to her heart, I always ask myself how I'd like to be treated or how I'd like to receive information. At one point in time, we didn't know what we do today about the very causes we support. Everything in life involves a learning curve. I've been extremely aware of chemical ingredients only choosing natural and organic for many years, my cousin on the other hand admitted recently that she was oblivious to it all-cleaning products, makeup, sunscreen, food, etc., but thanks to a new business she is now a part of, her eyes have been opened. My point is, when we are gentle with people, allowing them the time to figure things out in their own timing and become more aware, they will. Just because we don't agree with someone's lifestyle and choices doesn't give us the right to belittle them, judge them or badger them as this is bullying bordering on harassment. It's not our job to fix or change anyone, all we can do is commit to our own personal growth. This isn't to say that we shouldn't bring up controversial topics in conversation but just tread lightly and be aware of someone's feelings as to not hurt or embarrass them in the process.

Sometimes we feel compelled to share information to help others because we care so much about them that we want it so badly for them to 'get it'. What I've found to be a non-threatening way of conveying information gently is to share from my own experiences. An example of this (that has come up a few times among friends and acquaintances) is sharing about how I noweat very little meat because I've learned that livestock is a major source of CO2 pollution and the animals are often treated poorly and live in unclean conditions. While I don't eliminate it completely, my alternative is organic, grass fed beef knowing the animals are treated in a much more kind and humane way and they are not consuming genetically modified ingredients and being pumped with hormones/antibiotics. When things are presented in a way in which people understand that they have alternatives and hear how you've changed your own ways and why, that makes it much more palatable. You may not convince them to adopt new ways immediately but the seed has been planted and after that it is up to them if it is of interest to them.

Another approach is to provide literature or website links that provide more information that someone can read at their own leisure. If you have a sample of a really great natural sweetener or a healthier product that tastes great, why not share it with a friend so they can enjoy it when they like. For me, what I mentioned above and  the reason for the way I eat has evolved over many years and was due to a booth I visited for 'Mercy for Animals' at a local Vegetarian Fest in one of our favorite local parks who are advocates for farmed animals. Holding their magazine and seeing heartbreaking images and speaking to the knowledgeable staff of the organization helped me to learn new things I didn't know before and let's face it, visuals can be powerful. This same magazine that shared gripping photos also provided great vegan and vegetarian recipes, I loved those positive options. I've always loves animals but since that time I felt a greater sense of compassion towards all creatures including farmed animals who are treated as a commodity.

When I was younger I would get pretty amped up about things I was passionate about, over time though I've learned how to soften and refine my approach knowing that kindness and grace wins every time.

Now, I'd love to hear from you! How do you share your causes with others gently to encourage change?

How to be elegant

Fashion designer Coco Chanel once said, "A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous." Of course, the female gender doesn't have a corner on class. Both men and women who want to be considered elegant and classy can spruce up their appearance, work on their manners, and refrain from unbecoming behaviors.

Dress the part

You might think that wearing a designer label automatically catapults you to elegant-dresser status. Looking classy, however, doesn't require an extensive budget -- it simply means wearing well-fitted, clean, pressed clothing, free from rips, threads or stains. For elegance, wardrobe consultant Tina Adams recommends wearing solid colors and minimizing the accessories to just two or three per outfit. Before you leave the house, run a lint brush over your outfit to ensure it’s fur- and hair-free. Women should double-check their nails for chipped polish, and both genders need to style their hair so it looks polished, not messy.

Mind Your Manners

A classy person minds his manners, follows proper etiquette and thinks about how his actions will affect others. To that extent, keep a few basics in the back of your mind when going about your day-to-day life. Some traditional manners that still apply today: Say "please," "thank you" and "excuse me." When eating, chew with your mouth closed, and don’t talk with your mouth full. When invited to an event, RSVP to the occasion and arrive on time. At the event, turn off your phone -- or at least the ringer -- and if you must take a call, step away and speak softly. In the 21st century, elegance extends to social media: Refrain from arguing or discussing sensitive issues on networking websites.

Carry Yourself Confidently

An elegant person is confident, not boastful. Adams recommends working on your posture to appear taller and more secure in yourself. You can also appear more confident by not fidgeting, and keeping your head up and looking forward. When speaking, don't rush or ramble, and pick your words wisely -- an elegant person refrains from crude language and four-letter words, even when angry.

Refrain From Complaining and Gossip

It’s impossible to feel happy all the time, but an elegant person does not frequently complain to others. Rather, she gives off the impression of maintaining a successful life, even when a little down on her luck. At the same time, a classy person doesn’t gossip or talk behind a friend’s back -- even in the name of “venting.” If someone tries to engage you in gossip, redirect the conversation. For example, if a co-worker wants to talk about a colleague’s poor fashion choice, transition to the trends you saw in the latest issue of “Vogue.” When all else fails, keep quiet -- doing so often quashes the conversation.

Proper Etiquette in Public

This is perhaps one of the most important considerations when deciding whether or not a person possesses elegance. In today’s world there are only a handful of people in some circles that you may consider elegant. So many people have forgotten the general rules of etiquette. This could be because younger generations have developed their own set of rules for etiquette or it could just be a lack of proper upbringing. However, whatever the reason is it is important to understand what it means to be elegant and how you will be perceived by your general attitudes toward life. One aspect of being elegant is being polite no matter what the situation is. This is inline with the old adage; it is not what you say it is how you say it. For example, you can gently critique something you have ordered in a restaurant without shouting at your waiter. An elegant person will smile and point out any problems in a soft voice, never allowing other guests to hear what is being said. 

Listen More Than You Talk

One very elegant trait is being able to remain intent yet silent when someone is telling you a tale of some sort. Continuous interjection by you may be perceived as rude. This is not to say that at some point you cannot respond but the most important thing is that you never interrupt someone who is speaking to you. This is a display of poor manners and will become annoying quickly to the person you are having the conversation with. When all is said and done, be cautious about offering your opinion, if it is asked for. Remember, you do not want to appear pushy. You can state your case without over doing it. 

Keep the Volume Down

Have you ever been sitting across the room from someone who is literally yelling when they talk? This gives you the impression that this person is completely unpolished and ill-mannered. Speak in a voice that can be heard by the people in close proximity to you but no one sitting at the next table or waiting in line behind you should ever be able to make out your conversation. Being soft spoken is a very elegant quality and people will find being around you much more desirable. 

Do Not Be Critical or Judgmental

Elegant people are not fast to point out the mistakes or flaws of others. This does not mean it is not ok to gently correct someone but there is no reason to be harsh. You can give someone constructive criticism without embarrassing them or belittling them. An elegant person will use grace when dealing with situations in which an error has been made or some wrong has been committed. A forgiving spirit is one of the most common qualities of an elegant person. There is never a reason to outwardly show anger. If a situation arises that causes you to become upset or angry it is best to walk away with your dignity intact. 

Elegance is a state of mind really. It is not something that can be acquired in a short period of time but with awareness of your actions and thinking before you speak you may very well be able to train yourself to act in a much more elegant manner. Keep in mind that you can be elegant no matter what social status you fall into. You do not have to be the wife of a CEO of a major corporation or the President of the United Sates in order to show grace and elegance.

DIY Resin inlaid shelving

Industrial designer and jeweler Mat Brown came up with this awesome technique for taking a split, live-edge length of chesnut wood, and rather than fixing its flaws, decided to highlight their natural character. By making them glow in the dark.    

Mat detailed his process on a Reddit post, where his mixes a two-part resin with some glow-in-the-dark pigment from eBay, and then planed and sanded everything smooth. 

Big old cracked, knotholed, spalted piece of chestnut we got cheap from the timber yard. Time to tidy it up and make it good to go on the wall.

Sealing the holes with aluminium tape.

Set it somewhere good and level otherwise the resin will be a mess.

Ready to mix

Bag of pigment. Traditionally resin inlay is colour-matched to the wood, but I'm going down a different path.

Resin mixed up and standing a little to let the bubbles bubble out. Told you this wasn't a traditional inlay.

Poured into the big crack.

It's going to take a while to set, I think I left it nearly a week in the end.

This is going to look amazing. Now only the long, long job of planing, carding and sanding this lot flat.

My favourite part, the first coat of oil. I love that moment where you wipe the oil over and the grain just leaps out at you. They got about eight thin coats of boiled linseed oil..